122 Rules by Deek Rhew

Monday, February 16, 2015

Valentine's Day and 50 Shades - Deek Goin' Deep!

This weekend was Valentine's Day, arguably one of the biggest Hallmark holidays of the year. Ruh roh, Raggy, Deek's gonna go all self-righteous on us! Well, no and yes, I guess so, but that isn't really the point of my blog post today. See, I got to spend the day with my lady, Erin Rhew. We didn't buy each other cards, or things that blinged, or things that tweeped, twerped, or sparkled. Yes, we did buy a little something: Pizza, Coke, Pepsi, and our absolute favorite, Reeses.

Valentine's Day pizza, Pepsi, Coke, Reeses, and movie!

But that sounds so...unromantic. Actually it isn't. What did we give each other? Time and attention. Time is our most precious commodity. There isn't anything else we could give that has a greater value.

Money! What about money?! Remember that the age old question? No. Not for me. Money is a thing. It's tangible. Yes, yes, yes, it is impossible to live without it, but if the basic needs are met, then time will always rank #1 in my book.


Erin means the world to me. I love her more than I ever knew it was possible to love another person. I married her because I want to live my life with her, and I am beyond lucky that she wants to live hers with me. One of the factors in our decision to get married was because we each wanted to be together every possible minute. Really, who doesn't want to spend all their time with their best friend? She makes me laugh and smile, makes me feel warm when I'm cold, and holds me up when I'm feeling down. I try and give back as good as I get, but the gifts Erin bestows upon me in love, kindness, and giving could never be matched.

So yesterday we dinked around at the mall--didn't buy anything except some black-framed nerd glasses--and just walked hand-in-hand, window shopping and chatting.

Melrose Place, The Geek Series
Wut? We're nerds? OMH!

Went to lunch at Panda Express--one of our absolute favorite sin-foods--and shared pizza, soda, and Reeses later that night while we watched The Proposal. The simple pleasures in life rule.

BTW, that scene in the woods with Betty White, OMH! Eee. Eee-o! Eee. Eee-o! The walls. The walls as the sweat runs...uh hum. If you haven't seen it, here is a little clip I found on You Tube.

We danced and talked and shared. For me, it was absolutely the perfect Valentine's Day, with the person I want to spend time with more than any other.

I don't need much monetarily--pay the bills, food, medicine, roof over my head, and a car that will get us from point A to point B. But I waited my whole life to be with someone who has the same values as I do, who wants to be with me, and who cherishes closeness. openness, and sharing.

Erin and Deek Rhew

These aren't just things we do on holidays either. We each try and do them every single day. We share and talk and reconnect. We place value on our relationship and put effort into us. The world can tear you apart, break you down, but my love for this lady, our relationship, is the core that keeps me sane and all but untouchable.

Erin and Deek

To me, this is what Valentine's Day is all about.

On to another topic: 50 Shades of Grey. Deek is going to get on his soapbox for a few minutes. So if you don't like it, you may want to turn away, close your browser, and wait for another of my meandering blog posts.

50 is the first in a novel series that sold like gang-busters a few years ago and has now been turned into a movie. It's totally crazy how many people from all walks of life have read it. It is EVERYWHERE! Being the inquisitive type, I wanted to understand what the big deal and hype was about, so I read the first volume. It was really bad. But since everyone thought it was so great, I thought that maybe it would get better, so tried reading the second...and grew bored.

Congrats on being uber rich, E.L. James, but your books stink. I hate hate hate knocking another author, but really, in my humble opinion, this is simple erotica. Nothing more. Overall it was poorly written with two-dimensional characters and had zero to do with love and romance. Why it is so popular escapes me. The genre is bursting with similar books, and though I am not a consumer, I have to think there exists those that are written better.

Okay, so on to the real reason I brought this up. I have a huge problem with this going mainstream--though apparently I'm in the minority as it opened with a record breaking $81.7 million weekend. Scary because when something is a financial success, copy cats lurk in the wings. The issue I have with it is that I think people are completely unaware of the severity of the topic. In a BDSM relationship--yes, that's what this is--one person is the dominant and the other a submissive. The idea being to completely take the submissive's power away and humiliate them. To degrade and punish them. To break their will and their spirit. To hurt them and strip away all their dignity and humanity. 

Does this sound like love?

I'm sorry to all you movie-goers who laid down your $15 for a ticket plus the price of popcorn, soda, and JuJu Beans, but this isn't sexy, it isn't hot, and it isn't romance. It's abuse. This is the glorification and justification of domestic abuse by a man in power against a woman. He has everything. She has nothing. Yet, he takes her virginity and takes advantage of her naiveté. He uses her--yes, even though she "asks" for it. He ties her up, hits her, beats her, tortures her, and somehow this is supposed to be hot? In most stories, isn't he the one that goes to jail?

I simply can't get behind this concept. Sorry. No. Consenting adults or not, this is exploitation.

Okay, Deek. What the hay? Why bring this up as the other half of your Valentine's Day post? Because, it was released on Valentine's weekend as a romantic thriller. Couples shared their evening together watching it. And I'm sure that more than one pair went out after and suggestions were made and things were bought and later, disillusions fabricated upon the silver screen smashed into real life.

50 is the opposite of affection. The opposite of desire. It's the opposite of love.

Sigh. I could prattle on and on, but I'll stop for now. I implore each of you considering any of these ideas to really really think things through before stopping in at Spencer's. What are your trying to do? Are you doing it to please the other person? If so, is losing your dignity and humanity worth it?  Is that really what you want?

Once you've gone there, you can never go back.

Next time, I'll be back to my usual fluff, but on this topic, I just couldn't sit by and not say anything. 

Hope y'all have a great week!



  1. Love, I'm so proud of you for standing up for what you believe in.

    I had an amazing Valentine's Day with you! Your time and your love are what I want more than all the riches and rubies in the world. YOU are more precious to me than any of that stuff. I adore you, my Deek! You are sunshine of my life! *cue music*

    I love you to the moon and back! #Always

    1. Thank you, honey! I love you to the big blue diamonds...and beyond! #Always

  2. I agree with you 100%. I've mostly kept my opinions to myself on the subject of 50 Shades, but... it is a truly terrible series. It was horribly, horribly written and like you say, it wasn't even erotica. In my mind it was domestic violence disguised as erotica. It frightens me that people find this not only arousing but they see it as something they wish to copy. Like you, I can go on for hours discussing my views on 50 Shades, but unfortunately it will not stop people from extolling its supposed virtues. I encourage people to read erotica that had been written before 50 Shades came out... to see what it is supposed to be, rather than what it has become. I also encourage people interested in the romantic side of the novels to read an actual romance novel.

    Anyway... good blog post, Deek!